There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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