i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
