whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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