I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
