Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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