I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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