If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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