didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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