About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
