TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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