Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
