And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
