Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
