So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
