I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
