For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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