I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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