Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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