we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
