At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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