I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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