I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
