you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
