Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
