apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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