D3 body, D1 cock
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
