we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
