Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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