I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
