So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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