i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
