Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
