It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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