We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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