i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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