somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
