wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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