just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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