she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
