We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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