Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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