i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
