She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
