I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
