she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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