you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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