I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Never underestimate the power of titties
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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