my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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