I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I came so hard my ears popped.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
