so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
