he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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